Sex in Your Stories: the Goldilocks Effect
You know what I’m talking about when I refer to Goldilocks. She’s the young girl who went to the home of the three bears and found porridge that was too hot, too cold, and ‘just right’. In a similar manner, she checked out the chairs and eventually the beds of the three bears as well. She was an intruder who made herself at home with the belonging of the bears. In some versions she ran away when the bears came home and found her curled up in the littlest bear’s bed. In other versions, they ate her.
What is important to remember about this story, however, is that Goldilocks was looking for something particular when she explored the home of the bears. Right or wrong as her actions may have been, only she could decide what pleased her in the end. That is something we need to keep in mind when writing sex scenes for our romances. What is ‘just right’?
Well, the first thing we must establish is what is the norm for our genre. M/M romances are going to have a different heat index than sweet Christian tales. Fade-to-black may work in many circumstances but raise eyebrows in others. More sex is not necessarily better, either.
Several years ago, I read a huge online meta discussion about sex in stories and I was surprised at how many people stated that they skipped the sex scenes in any given story. I wasn’t just surprised; I was flabbergasted. Wasn’t this the whole reason we wrote romance stories in the first place? It wasn’t just about getting the two main characters together—it was about the hot sex that ensued once they finally consummated their relationship. The idea that many readers would skim or skip the sex scenes blew me away. The smokin’ sex was the whole point, wasn’t it?
Well, the answer is yes and no.
To start out with, you have to know your genre. There is a certain amount of reader expectation that goes along with certain genres. M/M romance is known for its erotic, graphic scenes. It’s one of the things that makes this genre so appealing to its many readers. But having read a few novels in which the main characters went at it like rabbits every other page or so, I can see why some people would start skimming these scenes. I know I did.
The advocates of ‘sweet’ romances like to point out that by eliminating the sex scenes or having them take place off-stage, so to speak, they free themselves up to spend more time telling the story of the actual romance. I can see their point. Certainly most of my favorite stories when growing up featured the standard ‘fade-to-black’ sex scene.
The problem is I like sex. I’m fascinated by it. I like reading about it. Sex (how you deal or not deal with it) is an important part of most human relationships and I like writing stories about relationships. So, most of my stories are going to deal with sex scenes in some shape or form.
I believe that sex scenes aren’t there just to titillate, however. Don’t get me wrong, I like a smokin’ hot sex scene as much as the next person, but I think that such scenes should further the story or the character development in some way. You are at your most vulnerable during sex. Don’t just strip your characters down and throw some lube at them. Show us how sex opens them up or closes them off. Are they insecure about their bodies? Are they more comfortable with physical intimacy than emotional intimacy? Now is your chance as a storyteller to show us the real character.
Chances are, you aren’t going to find a lot of sex in my stories. I believe sex is like a seasoning; it needs to be used judiciously. Too little and the dish is bland. Too much and everything tastes the same. Only you can know how much is the right amount. I suggest you follow your gut and pay attention to what your characters tell you. There are formulas that some publishing companies insist on: a kiss by page thirty, sex by page fifty, a declaration before the final chapter. I’m not a big believer in formulas. I think you need to tell the story inside you the way it wants to be told. For me, that means I’m usually going to have 2-3 sex scenes per story and that’s it.
But when I do write them, it will make your toes curl.
Book Trailer
About the Book
Title: The Boys of Summer
Author: Sarah Madison
Genre: M/M Romance
Excerpt: Rated R for language
Bookseller Links: Amazon US (paperback), Amazon US (Kindle), Amazon UK (paperback), Amazon UK (Kindle)
David McIntyre has been enjoying the heck out of his current assignment: touring the Hawaiian Islands in search of the ideal shooting locations for a series of film company projects. What’s not to like? Stunning scenery, great food, sunny beaches…and a secret crush on his hot, ex-Air Force pilot, Rick Sutton. Everything changes when a tropical storm and engine failure force a crash landing on a deserted atoll with a WWII listening post. Rick’s injuries, and a lack of food and water, make rescue imperative, but it takes an intensely vivid dream about the war to make David see that Rick is more than just a pilot to him. Will David gather his courage to confess his feelings to Rick—before it’s too late?
The Boys of Summer has recently been given an Honorable Mention and is one of the finalists in the 2013 Rainbow Awards! The winners will be announced sometime in December.
“Settings are used wonderfully here, becoming so vibrant that they played out like a movie in my mind as I read.”
“I devoured it and it has moved into my top ten books of all time.”
“Ms. Madison writes with a wonderful, flowing style, her words effortless and magical, drawing you into her story.”
“I thoroughly enjoyed the Boys of Summer and based on this book I have already earmarked several more Sarah Madison books to read.”
“If you’re headed to the beach and can only take one book with you, it should be this one. Highly and delightedly recommended!”
Tour Giveaway
About Sarah Madison
Like most writers, Sarah Madison was a story-teller as a child. She couldn’t help herself! She carried a grubby spiral notebook with her everywhere she went, filling it with stories about dogs and horses. When she reached the end of high school, however, she packed up all her creativity in a box and placed it on a shelf, to be stored with other childhood memories. She worked hard at her job and thought that being passionless was just what growing up was all about.
One day she woke up. She opened the box on her shelf and discovered much to her surprise, her passion was there, just waiting to be claimed again.
Now, writing sometimes takes precedence over everything else. In fact, when she is in the middle of a chapter, she usually relies on the smoke detector to tell her when dinner is ready.
To learn more, visit Sarah on her website, on Twitter, Facebook and Goodreads.
Doing a little happy dance here – I buy a book to read a story and sex, as long as it’s necessary to further the story line is wonderful but sex scenes, tied together by a tiny story, is not a romance, it’s not suspense, it’s not mystery – it’s just repetitive gymnastic porn. I’m definitely a page skipper but with Sarah Madison’s books, not one page goes unread. Thank you, Sarah for giving us quality work. There are a lot of us who read M/M simply because we’re rather read about 2 men instead of a man and a woman, regardless of the story.
I already have the book so I’m not entering the contest, just wanted to say how much I appreciate your work.
Aw, thanks, Andrea! That made me smile, and not just because you already have a copy of the story! Your comment validated what I already feel–that I prefer mysteries, or sci-fi, or romances with erotic interruptions, rather than a steady diet of them. Now I know I’m not the only one who feels this way! 😀
[…] Day Seven of The Boys of Summer Book Tour! I’m over on Sid Love’s blog today talking about sex in your stories and what is too much, too little, or j…Also, tune in today at at 1 pm EST for my live Twitter chat! I’m at @SarahMadisonFic and […]
Maybe I’m getting old, but I want more about the relationship, to understand the characters better, to share with their totality of their lives/adventures etc. Page after page of athletic coupling has me yawning. Stories that are nothing but one sex scene after another are really tedious. Not a turn on at all. A story where sex has its proper place, where the rest of the story isn’t just thrown in for decorative effect around multiple penetrations/orgasms, is real story telling as opposed to titillating porn. I like characters who are rather more than their physical parts, so to speak!
What I love about your writing is that you put in sex scenes where it does something to further the relationship, or it helps us understand the characters better. The sex isn’t just there because you think, “Hey! 10 pages since the last time those two grappled between the sheets. Better shove in another sex scene, pronto.” but because it makes sense to the relationship of your heroes and it makes sense to the story-telling.
So bravo for saying this. You are so right.
Aw, thank you, Anna! You know, I don’t think it is so much a case of getting older as it is being more mature in our tastes. We’ve had the fun, wild days with characters jumping into bed every few pages–and the first half-dozen or so times, it was exhilarating to be that free–free from euphemisms, from mythology, from simultaneous orgasms and fireworks and shooting stars. 🙂
But I think as we’ve grown as writers–and readers–ourselves, we look to more in the sex than Olympic quality sex. Sex is messy, and exciting, and sometimes downright ludicrous–and I like seeing that aspect of it in a story. But I’ve heard interesting arguments from the fade to black crowd about how eliminating the sex scenes give them another 15 to 20 K of words to deepen the story. There may be something to that, you know!
On the other hand, I’ve had a story on the back burner for a while now in which the relationship is mostly about the sex at first. It isn’t until much later than the main character realizes he’s been ‘protesting too much’ that it is just about sex. That story right there dictates there will be more sex than usual in one of my stories! I’m still curious to see how it will turn out in the end. 🙂
Thank you so much for hosting me here today! I really appreciate it and I’ve enjoyed the tour tremendously too. 🙂
I love sex in a book, but if that is all it is I am disappointed. I want the build up and the connection between the characters, without it my interest is just luke warm.
Thank you, Jill! It sounds like we’re on the same page here! That’s so good to know. 🙂
I remember Susie Bright using that Goldilocks analogy in her advice book for erotica writers…it makes a lot of sense. Between the endless spectrum of possibilities when people get together, and the fact that no two readers’ standards are alike, it’s best to just serve the story, which you clearly do!
Trix: I haven’t heard of Susie Bright but now you have me wanting to go Google her! Thank you for the reference! Yeah, I think you’re right, in the end we have to write what the story dictates. Even that can bite you sometimes–I can recall one reader’s comment that there was ‘only a blow job’ in the entire story. Considering, however, that the two MCs didn’t like each other very much on first meeting and that one of them thought the other was straight for most of the story, I think the amount of sex there was appropriate. Plus, there is such a think as the balance of the overall story. I left the BJ scene implying that the characters went into the bedroom together for the rest of the evening. As this was the very last scene in the book–another dozen pages of rip-snorting first-time sex would have made the story a bit lopsided–at least, that’s the way I felt at the time! 🙂
I have not read this or any of Sarah Madison’s books but I have read many wonderful things about this book and look forward to reading it. Thank you for the post and the giveaway.
Aw, thank you, Allison! You’ve got me grinning like a fool here now! It’s so nice to hear that people are saying wonderful things about your stories–we on this side of the keyboard rarely get to know what most people think of it. And it’s a bit like feeding cats, you know. If you ‘feed’ authors, they write more! 🙂
[…] so, I have a post up on Sid Love’s blog: Sex in Your Stories: The Goldilocks Effect. How much sex should you put in your stories? What’s too much? Too little? Just […]
Loved the blog post, Sarah. You reiterated pretty much how I feel. I don’t write a lot of sex in my books, as I’m one of those readers who starts to skim if there’s sex every other chapter. However, if my characters want it onscreen, and it furthers their relationship, or depending on said characters, they’re just plain horny and demanding, they will get more. Different characters want more on the page, others prefer to have sex offscreen and are more private. I just go with the flow, it works better for me that way. It’s good to know I’m not alone in that.
I’m glad to know I’m not alone in that regard either, Anne! In fact, I suspect there are more of us out there who feel that way than not–which begs the question: who are we really writing the scenes for? While there is definitely such a thing as genre expectations (and publisher expectations in some cases) I would be really curious to know what most readers are looking for. It would be fun to get together a bunch of writers in the genre and have everyone do a poll (or create a centralized poll) so we could look at the information gathered. I’m not sure it would change how I write, but it would definitely be interesting!
[…] 15th December – Sid Love (guest post) & Twitter Interview with Sarah Madison (1pm […]
Finally a book that is long enough to be worth the price!!!!!
Glad you feel that way, Val! One of the advantages of self-publishing this story was that I could set the price myself. 🙂
[…] 15th December – Sid Love (guest post) & Twitter Interview with Sarah Madison (1pm […]
I couldn’t agree more. I love the sex scenes, but spare me from “same sex, different location” every other page. That get’s very boring, not to mention slightly unrealistic.
That pretty much sums up how I feel, Barbara! Thank you!